Too Cool For School

"The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference." — Elie Wiesel.

Recently I was facilitating one of our public ‘culture’ programs where I had a couple of participants arrive that were… ‘oh so very cool and aloof.’

Everyone else in the room were super-engaged the moment that they arrived. They were totally committed to personally working on leading and transforming their workplace culture.

However, just one look at my pair of apathetic participants and you could feel the ‘too cool for school’ vibe emanating from them. Yikes!

When I tried to engage with them before the session kicked off, it was very apparent that they were disinterested in today’s topic. They were ‘way above’ the notion of expanding their learning, skills or mindsets.

Exploring a little further with them on what they wanted from the session, it was abundantly evident that their manager sent them to my program… ‘to be fixed!’ Maybe not the wisest use of her L&D budget I was thinking.

However, I could only imagine and understand the frustration with managing them. I’m sure that they were hoping (perhaps in vain) that they might just have an epiphany in the workshop, that maybe ‘they are part of the problem’ for their poor workplace culture. Importantly, they needed to take on some personal responsibility!

The Mirage of Cool

Here’s the thing about the ‘too cool for school’ approach - it’s a façade. Those who wear it believe that they are setting themselves apart, by projecting an air of superiority.

But anyone with insight can see it for what it is… self-indulgence!

Their indifference isn’t a mark of detachment or sophistication; it’s a wall. A wall that keeps the world at arm’s length, but more tragically, keeps their growth and learning far out of reach.

When encountering this attitude, I must consciously check myself. People like this can trigger me, if I let them. Their resistance to growth, and change, is initially perplexing and illogical. But upon reflection and digging a little deeper, I’m able to recognise that beneath the ‘cool’ exterior lies fear. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of stepping into the unknown.

And I get it. I truly do.

The Mirror of Self-Reflection

So, here’s the twist - I see myself in them. Or rather, I see a younger version of myself. The version I’m not that proud of.

This was the version that thought being ‘cool and aloof’ was clever and a form of intellectual superiority. I can still recall a pivotal moment from my university days when one of my lecturers, fed up with my quips, called me out in front of the entire class:

“Richard, you’re not funny. You’re cynical and indifferent.”

Ouch! That stung. But it was the metaphorical slap in the face that I needed.

Moving forward, I made a promise to myself not to fall into that cynical ‘too cool for school’ trap. To lean into discomfort, to embrace growth, even when it’s scary. Because here’s the truth - growth only happens when we push beyond the boundaries of our comfort zones.

Don’t Be Too Cool for School

So, I say this to you, as much as I say it to myself… Don’t be too cool for school. Don’t be too cool for growth. Don’t let indifference rob you of transformation, of learning, and of connection.

Yes, growth can be scary. Yes, it requires vulnerability. But in a world that’s constantly shifting and changing every day, continuing to stay stagnant is the only real danger.

Next time that you find yourself retreating behind the armour of indifference, remember that transformation only happens in the messy and uncomfortable places. Be open. Be curious. Be brave enough to learn. After all, that’s where the magic lies.

And for those still walking into rooms with crossed arms, being aloof and with cold stares? Here’s a little secret: No one’s buying it! You just look silly and selfish. Why? Indifference is the silent killer of curiosity, connection, and of our positive change.

Wishing you a wonderful week of learning and growth.

Richard Dore
CEO - Director of Partnerships
Proteus Leadership