Does It Really Matter What People Think and Say About You?

Let me ask you this:
Have you ever had an idea, a goal, or a vision you were excited about – only to have someone shoot it down with a comment, a look, or even silence, or even worse – indifference?

Have you ever been misunderstood, misrepresented, or messed around by someone who didn’t really know your heart – but thought they knew your story?

Let me tell you, if you’re doing anything of value in this life – if you’re showing up authentically, building something meaningful, or leading people toward change – then criticism is not just likely – It’s inevitable.

You will be talked about.
You will be questioned.
And you will be judged – often unfairly, sometimes harshly, and most times by people who don’t have the full story.

But here’s the leadership truth: It’s not what they say that defines you – it’s how you respond that sets the course for your future.

And responding starts with clarity: Clarity about who you are, what you stand for, and what your purpose is.

Because when you’re clear, the noise of others fades into the background.

So, Does It Really Matter What People Think and Say About You?

The short answer is – YES, but the long answer is – Only sometimes and it depends on who they are and what their motives might be.

Let me explain.

People’s thoughts and words about you can matter when they come from a place of care, wisdom, or mentorship. Feedback from people who know you, who want the best for you, who are walking the journey with you – that kind of feedback is gold. It’s something we should always welcome and pay attention to.

But here’s the flip side…

If we allow everyone’s opinions to hold weight – especially those who aren’t walking in our shoes, and don’t share our values, or those who are simply trying to tear down what they don’t understand – then we hand over the reins of our life to the crowd.

And let me tell you, true leadership doesn’t work like that.

You can’t let every voice in the crowd become your compass.

Warren Buffett put it perfectly when he said:

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you, that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.”

That quote is all about life wisdom – It’s emotional intelligence 101.

It’s about taking back the controls.

True leadership is responding with thought, not reacting with emotion.

I love that line in Warren Buffet’s quote where he says: “If words control you, that means everyone else can control you.”

If you’re constantly triggered by what others say or don’t say… then you’re handing them the steering wheel of your life.

I don’t know about you – but I want to be the driver of my own life, not the passenger.

So, How Do We Combat Negative Comments and Feedback?

Let’s talk strategy here…

The moment you step out, the moment you dare to be different or put yourself out there – you WILL get feedback. It is a gift that keeps on giving!

Some of it will be well-meaning. Some of it will sting. Some of it will be flat-out wrong.

So, how do we deal with it without letting it derail us?

I want to introduce you to what is called the “Triple R” Method.

The first R in the method is:

1. RECOGNISE the Source

Not all feedback is created equal.

When you hear a negative comment or feel the sting of criticism, pause and ask:

• Who is this coming from?
• What’s their relationship to me?
• Do they know the full story – or just a small part of it?
• Are they speaking from experience… or from their own insecurity?
• What is their intent?

Because we’ve all received feedback from someone who wasn’t really in the arena.

They weren’t in the trenches with us. They weren’t building or growing or leading anything themselves – but they had plenty to say. So, why would I take notice of them when their comments are not to build the situation up but to create doubt.

So, recognise the voice and where it is coming from and ask yourself – is this someone worth listening to?

Because taking criticism from someone you wouldn’t trade places with is a fast track to self-doubt and confusion.

In fact, there are some people you don’t want to agree with you. Because when they don’t – you know you are on the right track.

The second R in the method is:

2. REFLECT Before You React

Reflecting identifies one of the most underrated leadership superpowers:
The pause.

In our fast-paced world, reacting is easy. You hear something that offends you, and boom – you want to snap back, explain yourself, go into defence mode, which usually makes things worse.

But what if we paused?
What if we gave ourselves the space to respond instead of reacting?

That’s restraint. That’s maturity. That’s power.

And so, we need to take time to ask:

• Is there a grain of truth in this?
• Could I grow from this feedback?
• Or, is this just noise that I need to discard?

Responding doesn’t mean being passive. It means choosing a response that aligns with your values, your purpose, your intent and your bigger picture.

The third R is:

3. REFOCUS on What Matters

After you’ve filtered the feedback—refocus.

Because what you focus on, you magnify. If you spend your energy stewing over what someone said or how unfair it was, you’re giving away precious real estate in your mind to something that doesn’t serve you.

So, instead shift your focus back to your:

• Purpose
• Vision
• Values
• The Impact you want to make

In other words – Go back to your “why.”

Because the loudest voice in your life shouldn’t be the most critical one – it should be the one that calls you forward.

So, How Can We Better Focus on the GOOD in Situations in our lives?

Let’s be honest, it can be tough to do this.

We’re bombarded daily with bad news, unrealistic expectations, and emotional curveballs. And if we’re not careful, we can start to see the bad in every situation before we even consider the good.

But here’s what I’ve learned from making mistakes right through my life:

Focusing on the good is not a personality trait. It’s a practice. Something we must train ourselves to do over a period of time.

Let me say that again:

Positivity is a practice – not a personality.

You can train your brain to look for good – not bad.
You can learn to reframe situations and not get caught in the mud.
You can build the habit of hope – not constant despair.

Here’s how:

Firstly – Start a Daily Gratitude Ritual – (Hugh Van Cuylenberg speaks a lot about this in his wonderful book – ’The Resilience Project’) where he reminds us that we must constantly focus on what we are grateful for).

Just recently I had the privilege of having a breakfast with all of my family (my children and partners and grandchildren) – As I looked around the table, I was full of gratitude and pride and couldn’t stop thinking about how grateful I was to have such special people around me and how I needed to do more to foster the relationships.

Every morning – or every evening – write down three things you are grateful for.
They don’t have to be profound.

It could be the hot coffee in your hand. The email of encouragement you got yesterday. The fact that your kids are healthy. That you made it through a tough meeting without losing your cool. The key is to focus on the good not the bad.

Gratitude rewires your brain to see possibility instead of problems and to be thankful for who you are and what you have.

And the more you practice it, the more naturally it flows.

Secondly – Choose Your Narrative

We don’t always get to choose our circumstances, but we do get to choose the story we tell about them.

Ask yourself:

• Am I the victim in this story, or the hero?
• Is this a dead end – or a detour?
• Is this failure – or a stepping stone?

What you call something matters.
So name it with hope. Frame it with positivity.

Thirdly – Spend Time with Hope-Filled People

Negativity is contagious – but so is hope!

Surround yourself with people who speak HOPE into your life.
People who remind you of your worth and that you are enough.
People who see you – not just your mistakes.
People who challenge you to grow – not stay stuck and stagnant.

Because who you surround yourself with will determine what you believe is possible – so choose wisely!

You know, a simple concept that I have discovered through all the highs and lows of leadership is that:

We are the authors of our own lives – so it is up to us the type of story we write and live.

But too many of us have let other people ghostwrite our stories.

We’ve let their opinions become chapters of our life. We’ve let fear write the plot and stop us from achieving. We’ve let silence fill the pages that were meant for greatness.

It’s time to take back the pen and write some new chapters.

Because you are not here to blend in.
You are here to lead.

To grow.
To shine.
To stand tall.
To Influence.

So, don’t let criticism dim your light. Let it clarify your direction.

• Life doesn’t just happen – we make it happen
• Action precedes clarity
• And we don’t know what we don’t know – until we go find out!

What people think and say about us does not define who we are  –  only you can do that!

Breathe, observe, respond, and keep moving toward the life and leadership you were born for.

Des Penny is the Founder and CEO of Proteus Leadership

Proteus Leadership is one of Australia’s premier leadership training and development companies. Proteus Leadership provides leadership courses and management training to a range of industries and assists organisations to build positive workplace cultures, implement change and Create Great Leaders. Proteus also facilitates a range of world-class management courses, workshops, conferences and events across Australia and beyond with the sole purpose of bringing leaders together to connect and grow.

“Our core purpose is to Create Great Leaders that will in turn build Great companies and develop Great teams.”