Finding Your Voice

As the eighth child in a dairy-farm family, I learned the quiet voice early. Be seen, not heard. Do what you’re told. Be helpful. Be agreeable. Be nice.

And being nice served me well. Flying under the radar, I was able to keep the peace, quickly working out what was acceptable to say and what was better left buried.

Then, in my late teens and twenties, I found my voice. Unfortunately, I decided that everyone needed to hear it immediately. I went from quiet to noisy. From wanting to be liked, to wanting to be right. From saying very little, to having an opinion on almost everything. How indulgent, annoying and boring!

Now, as a slightly more seasoned veteran of life and leadership, I hope that there is a little more insight and wisdom. I’m more comfortable in my own skin, along with my own voice.

I can pitch an idea, hold a strong opinion, make a decision and, when needed, say directly, “I don’t have an opinion on that.”

Leaning into the scrutiny and heat long enough for great ideas to emerge, perversely (at times) I even find energy in the tension. That’s where the best thinking rises and wins are based on merit, not on who has the biggest ego.

Well, that’s how I play when I’m the better version of myself!

However, I now find myself in an interesting place. Passive silence drives me bonkers. Especially knowing how much wisdom gets lost when good people stay quiet. They nod in the room, and then disagree in the corridor.

And loud, aggressive voices… well they drive me totally bonkers. Quickly I find myself labelling them as self-indulgent, clueless and egotistical. The voice in my head desperately wants to say, “You don’t need to have an opinion on everything. And even when you do have one, you don’t need to turn it into a dramatic performance.”

Which is slightly awkward, because that may have been me in my early twenties. Yikes.

Neither is influence. One is retreat. The other is noise.

What we are really looking for is the voice of insight. Not too quiet. Not too loud. Not passive. Not hostile. Not constantly needing to win.

The voice of insight is clear, without being cruel. Brave without being brutal. Strong without needing to dominate. It can challenge, question, disagree and still hold its ground without demanding that it gets its own way.

That is the Goldilocks zone of healthy culture, and truly finding your voice.

People speaking up but speaking wisely. People listening but not disappearing. People challenging but not attacking. People contributing, without needing every decision to bend around their ego or self-interest.

So maybe the bigger question for our teams and organisations is this: “Are we creating the kind of culture where people are encouraged to not only use their voice but use it well?”

And perhaps the more personal and intrinsic question is: “Have I truly found my voice?”

Not the quiet voice that avoids discomfort. Not the noisy voice that creates drama. Rather, the voice of insight that helps illuminate the room.

Because having your say matters. But how you have your say matters more!

Wishing you a wonderful week of fine-tuning your voice.

Richard Dore
CEO - Director of Partnerships
Proteus Leadership