Have We Become More Emotionally Intelligent?

Or Just Better at Talking About It?

“You cannot always control what happens, but you can choose courage over comfort in how you respond.” Brené Brown

 
Consider this: How would your colleagues describe you?

Someone who inspires, uplifts and brings calm when the pressure rises?

Or someone who is emotionally reactive, self-absorbed and largely unaware of the impact that they have on everyone around them?

The reality is that most of us oscillate between the two. However, Emotional Intelligence (EI) done well in workplaces means that most people, most of the time, are showing up as the better version of themselves.

Tragically though, there is also a small minority with limited EI who seem entirely self-absorbed and oblivious to the negative impact that they have on others. Yikes!

Emotional intelligence has been part of the leadership conversation now for nearly three decades.

We talk about empathy. We celebrate vulnerability. We promote self-awareness. We put values on office walls like ‘trust’ and ‘respect’ and encourage people to bring their ‘authentic self’ to work.

But have we become more emotionally intelligent? Or, have we simply become better at using the language? Because knowing the words is easy. Living them when we are challenged, criticised, overlooked or under pressure… that’s something else entirely.

At Proteus, we often say (half-jokingly and half-seriously) that leaders should only employ fully formed adults.

People with enough insight to recognise their own emotional patterns. Enough impulse control to pause before reacting. Enough empathy to understand that another person’s experience will be different from their own. And enough maturity to proactively build relationships, rather than blaming everyone else when they fall apart.

This is why at Proteus we have decoded Daniel Goleman’s classic EI components into four practical metaphors.

1. Creating an Emotional Dashboard gives you direct access to what is happening beneath the surface emotionally
2. Using your Pause Button gives you the space to respond rather than react
3. Tuning into your Emotional Wi-Fi helps you read the room and understand what may not be spoken
4. Becoming the Conductor of your emotional life reminds you that healthy relationships need to be orchestrated with attention, intention and practice

The irony is that EI is often most absent in the moments that we need it most.

Under pressure, self-awareness disappears. Impulse takes over. Empathy narrows. Relationships become collateral damage. Then we explain our behaviour by pointing to stress, change, workload, personality or someone else’s incompetence.

EI begins when we stop outsourcing responsibility for our impact. It’s not about being nice. It’s not avoiding conflict. And, it’s certainly not tolerating poor behaviour.

What it is about is facing emotion… our own and that of the people around us, without becoming controlled by it.

Becoming emotionally intelligent is not simply about getting along. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself: the kind of person others respect, trust and choose to follow.

So, when the pressure is on, which version of you turns up?

Because your Emotional Intelligence does more than shape your leadership. It shapes your legacy as a human being that’s worth working alongside.

Wishing you a week of becoming the best EI version of you.

Richard Dore
CEO - Director of Partnerships
Proteus Leadership