Having your say doesn’t mean you get your own way!

“While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a company, a relationship or a life — any single conversation can.” - Susan Scott (Fierce Conversations)

Let me say upfront - you can “Speak Your Truth”, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get your way.

Growing up as the eighth of nine kids on a dairy farm in Gippsland, finding your voice wasn’t encouraged. Early attempts to assert myself were met with swift, and uncompromising correction - yikes!

My father was a tough, old-school stoic character. Direct. Unapologetic. Intimidating. Back then, whether at home, school, church or in the community, people in authority believed more in discipline than they did in dialogue.

So, finally when I spoke up at home - after years of flying under the radar and keeping quiet - I expected the moment to be a transformational one. But it wasn’t. It was awkward. Uncomfortable. And entirely ineffective.

But it taught me something that’s continued to stay with me:

Having your say doesn’t mean you get your own way.

It’s a mantra I’m returning to - and I’m hearing more leaders echoing the same frustration.

People hold back, avoid the hard conversations and stay silent for too long, then suddenly they let it out. And they’re shocked when their frustration doesn’t change the outcome. It certainly doesn’t get a round of applause!

It’s a very human pattern. One that’s growing. And left unchecked, it breeds passive resentment and helplessness - not productive dialogue.

We ask people that they bring their whole selves to work. To speak up. To be authentic. That’s important. But we must also teach the other half of the equation:

Being heard doesn’t guarantee agreement. Speaking up doesn’t mean your idea wins. And venting doesn’t mean that you’ll gain support.

Done poorly, it can backfire - leaving people thinking that you’re a whinger or even worse, a blockhead!  But they won’t tell you that.

What’s one of the clearest signs of leadership maturity? Staying engaged… even when your idea doesn’t win the day.

As Kim Scott (Radical Candor) says:

“Challenging people is often the best way to show you care.”

That works both ways - the courage to challenge, and the resilience to be challenged, are each equally vital.

If we want strong teams and robust workplaces, then we need to normalise disagreement. Coach people to stay in the room, stay in the work, stay in the conversation - even when they don’t get their way.

So, here’s the leadership challenge:

• Help people find their voice
• Prepare them for the reality that being heard, doesn’t always mean being agreed with

Let’s build teams where contribution is respected - even when consensus isn’t reached. Where people know that their voice matters - and sometimes, leadership means accepting a direction that’s not your own.

Because progress doesn’t come from everyone getting their way. It comes from everyone staying engaged, especially when they don’t get their way.

Here’s to a week of honest conversations - and not always getting your way.

Richard Dore
Co-CEO - Director of Partnerships
Proteus Leadership