You’re not unsafe – you’re just uncomfortable
Stop confusing discomfort with danger. Stretch is not stress.
A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.
John Assaraf
At Proteus, we’ve been championing psychological safety for years, well before it became a legislative requirement. Inspired by Amy Edmondson’s 2014 TEDx HGSE talk, “Building a Psychologically Safe Workplace”, we launched our version as a National keynote ‘sold-out’ breakfast series back in 2018.
Since then, we’ve embedded psychological safety into our leadership programs as a core capability for modern leaders. Creating cultures where people can speak up without fear. Challenge ideas without retribution. It’s where diverse thinking is encouraged as a central focus.
But let’s get real. Something has gone sideways. Perhaps things have completely inverted? Yikes!
What began as a necessary cultural correction in prioritising mental health and emotional safety, has now in some pockets, mutated into something far more insidious. A new kind of fragility, where discomfort is automatically equated with danger. Where any challenge, accountability conversation, or behavioural feedback… is labelled as ‘unsafe’.
Not because it is unsafe. But because it’s inconvenient. Or confronting. Or simply, not what someone wants to hear or feel.
This weaponisation of psychological safety often wrapped in the language of trauma, being triggered, or harmed, is not just unhelpful. It’s dangerous and plays into the victim narrative.
Like the old-school trope of “you’re bullying me”, that’s used to dodge accountability and rattle managers now morphing into the modern refrain, “I don’t feel psychologically safe having this conversation.”
Here the individual takes no responsibility for their actions or behaviour, and the fallout is real. Because it damages team integrity. It weakens culture. Reduces service to clients. And ultimately, it freezes leaders from moving forward.
That is… if you allow it to happen.
Let’s look at reclaiming the true meaning of psychological safety: where people are safe to be challenged, not safe from being challenged.
It’s time to get uncomfortable again. Because growth doesn’t happen in safety. It happens in stretch!
Unsafe vs Uncomfortable
Here’s the distinction we must all drive home: Unsafe means your wellbeing is genuinely at risk. Uncomfortable means you’re simply being stretched beyond what’s familiar.
They are not the same.
Feedback isn’t a threat. Performance coaching isn’t persecution. Clear behavioural expectations are not psychological hazards.
As Brené Brown reminds us, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
The very act of avoiding hard conversations to preserve someone’s comfort erodes team trust and creates a fragile culture built on silence, not strength.
Healthy discomfort is the birthplace of growth.
In fact, the best teams that I’ve worked with don’t avoid tension. They use it as fuel. They understand that psychological safety isn’t about protection from pressure. It’s about having the resilience, relationships and respect to push through it together.
Stop Weaponising ‘Psychological Safety’
When Amy Edmondson pioneered the concept of psychological safety, it wasn’t an invitation to duck accountability or opt out of improvement. It was about creating environments where people could take interpersonal risks in service of better performance.
This becomes the birthplace of innovation. Where teams that are truly psychologically safe, are not just more collaborative… they’re braver!
People in these environments are more likely to admit mistakes, not hide them. More likely to experiment. To own their stuff. To speak up well before issues become crises.
But lately, I’ve seen the language of safety co-opted by those simply avoiding growth or indeed responsibility. It’s become the ultimate shutdown phrase: This makes me feel psychologically unsafe.
Oh please!
When what they often mean is, “This is challenging, and I don’t like feeling the slightest bit of discomfort.”
We need to call this out. Not harshly, but with kindness, clarity and courage.
Because when safety is used to silence necessary dialogue, everyone loses. The standards drop. Mediocrity becomes normalised. Leaders start walking on eggshells. And your high performers? Well… they leave.
As Simon Sinek put it, “Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.”
And sometimes that care looks like telling the truth, even when it stings. Courage needs to trump Comfort.
Embracing Discomfort as a Superpower for Growth
Discomfort is a gift. It tells us where our edges are. It’s where learning lives. Every breakthrough that you’ve ever had in your life was preceded by a moment of discomfort where you didn’t think you could handle but did.
The question isn’t how do I avoid discomfort?
The question is how do I build the capacity to sit in it, embrace it, learn from it and keep going?
When discomfort becomes normalised, growth accelerates. Innovation flourishes. Feedback becomes part of the daily rhythm, not purely a once-a-year ambush.
People become less defensive, because they realise being challenged isn’t a personal attack, instead it’s a professional investment.
As Kim Scott famously said, “Radical Candor is what happens when you Care Personally and Challenge Directly together.”
Taking 100% Personal Responsibility
If there’s one mindset shift that underpins all great leadership or to put it another way, leading a great life, it’s this: own your part. All of it. Every time!
Great cultures are built by people who refuse to play the victim card. They own their emotions and don’t deflect responsibility. They lean in when it’s hard and ask, “What’s mine to own here?”
You should never ask, “Why me?” Instead, ask yourself, “Why not me?”
This doesn’t mean tolerating toxic environments, or unsafe leadership and practices. But it does mean being brutally honest about whether we’re seeking growth, or comfort.
Your focus of control matters. Leaders who thrive are those who focus on what they can control: their mindset, their actions, and their responses.
“Responsibility is not about fault; it’s about ownership.” – James Clear
If you want to grow, you’ve got to stop waiting for the world to get easier and start getting stronger.
Moving Into the Growth Zone
Now there’s a reason the growth zone sits just outside the comfort zone. It’s not a place of ease; it’s a place of stretch. A place where uncertainty, challenge and even failure are welcomed as companions.
And the leaders who thrive here? They do these things exceptionally well:
- They normalise feedback, and don’t take it personally
- They lean into tough conversations, not away from them
- They embrace discomfort, because they know it means progress
- They own their growth, and don’t blame others when things get hard
- And they model psychological safety as the ability to disagree well, not agree silently
This isn’t about being tough for the sake of it. It’s about being resilient, open and deeply committed to personal and collective evolution.
“The hard things are where we grow. The uncomfortable moments are where we lead.” – Peter Bregman
Finally, we’re not here to mollycoddle people. We’re here to help grow them. That means being both caring and challenging. Generous and demanding. It means not confusing discomfort with harm, or challenge with cruelty.
Because growth lives in discomfort. And our job is to make that discomfort safe enough to stay in, but not so safe that no one ever changes.
Let’s stop tiptoeing around truth. Let’s raise the bar on what great cultures really look like.
Let’s be the leaders who make healthy discomfort normal and greatness inevitable.
Richard Dore
CEO – Proteus Leadership