There Is A Space…

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
- Victor Frankl - Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor.

Hope you had a great Easter break.

I find Easter to be such a perfect space in the year to take time to breathe, rethink and recalibrate, without the intensity of Christmas or the pressure of finalising everything by the New Year.

In fact, during the Easter break this year, I found myself wishing for more space in my life to respond more mindfully to all the stuff happening in my world.

It was in that moment of ‘wishing’ that I paused and reminded myself that there is always space. A brief but potent Space, in between the Stuff happening to us and our responses.

In that space, in these briefest of moments, we have the potential to pause and take control of our life through our stories. It is where we find the freedom and agency to choose a better response, in the process of becoming a better person.

“Respond. Don’t React!” Proteus Mantra

This mantra is deceptively simple, but not always easy to follow, especially when negative stuff happens to us. It takes real determination to resist being instantly provoked into reacting badly, just like navigating the self-checkout at the supermarket the day before Good Friday!

Here’s how this process unfolds when we find ourselves triggered, and why the stories that we weave (whether consciously or unconsciously), ultimately determine whether we React or Respond.

Stuff – Stories – React – Respond (SSRR)

1. Stuff (Happens)
   Interactions with people, ranging from slightly annoying to extremely toxic are inevitable. Stuff will continue to happen to you. No one is immune from life’s challenges.
2. Stories (We Tell Ourselves)
   We all have an internal narrative running in our minds and when stuff happens, we create this story in a micro-second!
   Take this scenario as an example; a boss or colleague is being abrupt, rude, and dismissive. That’s the ‘Stuff Happening’. We then instantly create a story, one that becomes either a bitter reactionary story, or a better reframing story:

   Bitter Story – That person is an absolute jerk – I can’t work here a moment longer. This is a complete disaster!

   Better Story – Well that was unpleasant and totally out of character! I wonder what’s going on in their world. They are usually very courteous. I better check in and see if they’re okay or call that out in the future.

3. React or Respond
   In this sacred space, we hold the power of choice. We can either impulsively React, or thoughtfully Respond.

Be Bitter or Be Better. It’s a Choice

With the Bitter Story, we React. Typically, this happens either through silent inaction or, hostile aggression. Both are ugly options that only worsen the situation.

With the Better Story, we are choosing to tame our ‘primitive brain’ by reframing our story so we can Respond. It’s where we ask ourselves, “Why would a reasonable person be behaving like this. We need to talk.”

The key is to constantly ensure that we create the space to ‘catch our stories’ for the better. That way, we don’t become captive to the ‘Victim Narrative’ by reframing our stories from being Bitter, to being Better.

Only in this space can we regain our agency and transform with proactive action by asking ourselves, “What can I do right now if I really want a better result?”

Wishing you a wonderful week with the space to respond and reframe your stories.

Richard Dore
CEO - Director of Partnerships
Proteus Leadership